What am I doing?

After being with my current company for 11 years, yes you read that right, 11 years!! I’m 30 years old. I shouldn’t have already been at a company for this long right? Well, I’m a creature of nature. I dislike change. I mean, I really DISLIKE change. It makes me nervous.  I like being in my comfort zone and routine puts my mind at ease.

So then what am I doing leaving a company to go work somewhere else when I don’t even know if I’ll have a job in three months? Crazy right? This is so out of character for me. It’s slightly better pay, and it’s a really HUGE company so I know as soon as I have my foot in the door the opportunities are endless. At least I hope they are because if when my position is evaluated in three months they see that I’m not working out, I will be out of a job. No money for rent, food, bills… and it’ll be like I’m starting all over again. At 30 years old!

My stomach is in knots.  Last night I had a nightmare about my last day at work here, which will be this coming Monday. I was so sad. I’m going to miss all the wonderful people I’ve met here and hope that I will work with easygoing, kind people at my new job. What if I find myself working with nothing but drama queens? Geez…

I haven’t been this nervous in a long time. I’m questioning myself and wondering if I’m even making the right decision. Hopefully this works out. I seriously have no idea what I’m getting myself into. One good thing though, is that I don’t really regret giving my notice, although I do feel really guilty for leaving after this long. I’m just a nervous wreck! Though, I’m sure my nervousness comes from my fear of the unknown. What will it be like? Will I learn everything quickly? Will I like my new co-workers? Will they like me? Will I have a job in three months? Yikes!

This is the time that I should be using all my free time to go running to relieve my stress, but instead I’ve been sleeping in, actually it’s more like staying in bed tossing and turning. Hopefully I’ll run tomorrow AFTER my drug and safety test.

More updates soon… I hope.

Back at it

This last week has been an improvement in my jogging than it had been in the previous weeks. I don’t know what happened. I just fell into a running funk. I tried getting out of it mostly by going out for a jog, but I could never jog for very long before I would slow down to a walk. This happened quite often in the last few weeks and I never had the feeling that I’d had a good run. I wasn’t sure what was causing it. Although, I’m sure my eating habits played a big part in my lack of energy.

I’m on my way back to feeling good about jogging again though. The past three days I’ve jogged about 4.5 miles each morning. Nothing impressive, but I’m feeling better about it, except for yesterday when I was running along and some idiot in a car passed by and honked! I seriously don’t understand what they get out of doing that. Don’t they realize that my heart’s already pounding out of my chest, and then this person thinks it’s funny to honk and scare me, not to mention that I’ve been jogging in the morning when the sun hasn’t even risen or begun to peak through. It’s really scary out, but I snap on my cajones and walk out the door because it’s the only time I’ll do it. That’s when I decided to run back to the school by my apartment and run around the running track, in my own little comfort zone where one brick wall blocks all the oncoming traffic. And then I felt safe and unbothered.

Years ago I’d jog in the evenings around my neighborhood and people honked and yelled at me all the time for no other reason than to agitate or scare me, I guess. They always managed to do it when I was in my “zone.” I finally got so fed up with it that I stopped running and never jogged that path again, feeling defeated and frustrated. For the past several months I’ve been jogging at a nearby running track, but lately the gate seems to be locked at random times and so I decided to try and run near my apartment. Monday was the first day I’d run around my neighborhood and yet on Tuesday someone scares me by honking, which in turn forces me back to the school. The school with the inaccurate running track. I’m considering running with a handful of rocks so I can throw at those idiots. This morning as I began my jog I had my eyes pealed on the ground searching for rocks but couldn’t find any. Pshaw… who has a hard time finding rocks? Yes, I am a 12 year old boy wanting to throw rocks at oncoming traffic. Ha. But seriously, it’s not fair. I can’t even block out the honking or yelling by wearing my headphones because I never use them when it’s so early. You never know who will sneak up on you when it’s that dark out.

Anyway, those people better hope I don’t fall over with a heart attack if they do that to me again. Or rather, I hope I don’t fall over with a heart attack. I’m trying again tomorrow though. Maybe. People are so rude. I’m positive they aren’t fellow runners. Jerks.

ABC Survey

I’ve been so busy at work, and haven’t given myself the chance to blog. Sure I take breaks every now and then to read a few other blogs but no time to write. Anyway, so much to share, but am going to go with a survey this time. Blog more later. Peanut tagged me and it seems easy and quick enough, so here goes:

A. Attached or single? Attached to a younger man…

B. Best friend? My honey… obviously because he’s my guy… but mostly because I have no other friends, heh.

C. Cake or pie? Cake mostly…

D. Day of choice? Saturday, I can’t enjoy Sunday knowing I have to work the next day.

E. Essential item? Caffeine

F. Favorite color? Blue

G. Gummy bears or worms? Either. Yummy. If you’ve seen me, you’d know I’m not picky.

H. Hometown? Earlimart, aka Mexican Mayberry.

I. Indulgence? Watching movies all the time now. Four months of movie channels for free! Yeah! Also, the new NKOTB cd. What? Don’t judge me.

J. January or July? January. July is our busiest time at work and it’s hot like a mutha in Bako.

K. Kids? None now. Maybe later… I said, maybe.

L. Life isn’t complete without? My family, my honey and movies!

M. Marriage date? Riiiight!

N. Number of brothers & sisters? Two brothers and two sisters, all younger. Not fun.

O. Oranges or apples? Oranges, sometimes plain and sometimes with lemon, salt and chili powder. :p

P. Phobias? Movie theater bathrooms… they are pretty creepy when I’m alone in there.

Q. Quotes? Since Peanut used a quote from The Office, I thought I’d follow along and use one of my favorite quotes too! From Michael Scott of course, “Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then … and then suddenly she’s not yo’ ho no mo’.”

R. Reasons to smile? Movies! And snuggling with my honey. That’s pretty much it nowadays. Too stressed to smile.

S. Season of choice? Autumn. The weather’s great and then it’s my birthday!

T. Tag seven peeps! Do I know seven people? If you’ve read this consider yourself tagged please.

U. Unknown fact about me? I enjoy watching all movies, including the English ones, with subtitles. Although, I’m sure I’ve revealed that fact on this blog before so it’s not THAT unknown but I couldn’t think of another.

V. Vegetable? Carrots

W. Worst habits? Is being moody a habit… ?

X. X-ray or ultrasound? I’m going with X-rays because the first thing that comes to mind with an ultrasound is babies! Yikes!

Y. Your favorite food? My mom’s sopes in enchilada sauce… mmmmm…

Z. Zodiac sign? Libra, makes sense since I’m obsessed with the scale.